“Pretty Girls Cry”
I used to think that pretty girls had it easier, and in some ways they do, but they get hurt too. They’re cheated on, lied to, beaten down, ridiculed, harassed and disrespected like the rest of us. So instead of wasting precious time wishing I was half as pretty as they are, I’m just going to be the best version of me that I can be. I will never have her eyes or her nose or her perfect curls and that’s ok. I am still worthy of friendship, love, time and attention. And I’ll receive all of that and more from others as soon as I learn to give it to myself.
I’m getting behind in my posts so today’s post will cover days 3-5 of the cruise phase. I’m trying to get assistance through a program my friend told me about. I’m going back to school, hopefully as well. So I have been a little busy this week. I definitely went off diet. It’s the end of the month and funds are low so I have to resort to eating what I can afford & have access to. We all know that unhealthy food is much more inexpensive. That’s just the world we live in.
1 leftover crabcake
Pepper Steak w/ onions peppers and fried rice (mom)
Arizona zero calorie tea
white cheddar popcorn
oat bran pancake with fat free cream cheese
My sleeping schedule is still crazy, which is not good because I’m missing meal times. I’m a work in progress that’s for sure. Still trying to raise funds for my fitness wishlist. I’ going to see a psychiatrist soon about my depression. I’m sure they will suggest some kind of medication, but I don’t know about that. I have a real issue with the side effects of prescription drugs. Sometimes the side effects are worse than the problem you’re trying to treat. We’ll see what happens. I might look into St. John’s wort which I heard can help with depression. I lean more towards natural products when it comes to my health.
Pray for me lovies
My sleeping didn’t work out like I planned. I ended up getting super sleepy again in the afternoon and slept til the evening. Therefore I didn’t get to walk.I thought for sure going to bed so early would help me get back on track, but nine o’clock may be a little to early for me. I know it’ll be a gradual adjustment anyway.
1 pickled egg
Turkey meatballs with mustard
I think that’s all I had. I’m really missing my jello right now. It’s my one true snack and I’m craving it desperately. I won’t have any money to buy food until the 10th of May though. So I’ll have to stick it out.
I had to get up at 5 am this morning because we had to be on the bus by 6:15 am. Fortunately I had everything prepped the night before. I knew what I was going to wear, I had already showered and done my hair. So I woke up, ate breakfast for once and started packing my lunch. I’m actually going to be able to list my meals in order this time, yay!
1.5 Beef lettuce wraps leftover from Friday
Chicken salad: romaine lettuce, tomatoes, chicken, mrs. dash, 1.5 TB italian dressing
Beef teriyaki on skewers
Diet green tea
I ate really well today and I’m proud of myself except for one tiny thing. I ate 2 special K bars! It is so hard to be on a diet when no one else around you is on a diet. I do pretty well with it, but this time I caved. Special K bars are hardly a setback, but they have carbs, which is a no no. I couldn’t buy anymore sugar free jello so I had nothing to snack on and they were there and..Yeah. They are only 90 calories and low in fat though, if that makes it any better. I was so exhausted after we came back in from out of town that I went to bed at 9 pm. That is unheard of for me, but it’s a good thing. I’m not saying I’ll be going to bed at nine every night, but maybe I can start a new pattern of sleeping by keeping this up.
I woke up at 6:30 am this Sunday morning. Everyone else is asleep, it’s quiet except for my light pecking on the keyboard. I feel good, I feel rested and relaxed. I took a nice hot shower ad now I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for breakfast today. I’m definitely going to get my oat bran in like a good girl. I plan to go for my walk later this afternoon. I’m also going to work on trying to raise money today as well. Still no progress yet, but I am hopeful.
See you next post
Thanks to a good friend I was able to get to the store and buy something to eat for Friday and Saturday. This weekend was kind of hectic having to get ready to go out of town. I haven’t eaten my oat bran like I’m supposed to, so I’m going to drink a little metamucil to get things back in order.
Beef teriyaki lettuce wraps
That’s all I remember eating. I was so tired after going to the store and cooking that I just went to sleep after I ate. It was about 6 pm I think. My days are just running together. I’ve got to get better about writing things down. Maybe I need to look up some memory exercises too. My mind is in a fog sometimes.
I’m trying to raise money to buy a digital scale & other fitness items. I found some on ebay for $20-$30 and FREE shipping. If you can help and would like to support my cause you can donate to Me & Mr Dukan #fitness fundraiser via Paypal. On paypal.com go to (hover over) send money then click send money online then click personal then click gift. In the email box enter firstname.lastname@example.org Even $1 would help. You don’t have to have a paypal account to send it. You can also send it with your phone by clicking “via your mobile”.
Things I am trying on my own to get the $$:
Writing & submitting articles and poetry
Performing tasks on Microworkers
Scrounging around for things to sell on ebay
I aint too proud to beg.. -_-
If it wasn’t really important I wouldn’t
embarrass myself ask. If you have any suggestions on how to earn money online (without investing money into it) please let me know. I figure if I’m going to ask for your generosity I should at least explain why. I have been looking for a job on and offline for the past 5 years. I have such unfortunate circumstances that I am severely limited. (can’t drive, time constraints, no money to pay for public transportation etc..) That $14 dress from Walmart, if it wasn’t for my mom I wouldn’t have it. She is on a fixed income, so that was a rare treat. My mother has a potentially fatal illness, my brother has autism & I struggle with depression. They depend on me A LOT, but I don’t have many people to depend on myself. I’ll talk more about my life later. I try to keep it as positive as possible here. Anyway, thanks in advance for any help I may receive. May you be blessed abundantly in return.
Before I post what I ate today, let me explain. I sleep backwards, meaning I’m up all night and sleep most of the day. That’s why my meals are so random and sparse. So I slept a lot during the day Wednesday and was up until early morning Thursday. I went back to sleep around 10 am I think. My friend calls around 1 asking me to do her hair, so I agree. So I get up, straighten up the apartment some and wait for her to come. At this point I wasn’t hungry. So I did her hair and we fooled around talking and she walked with me to my favorite walking spot. We come back to my apartment and I finish her hair and after a little while I’m hungry. So I eat 1 pickled egg to hold me until I can actually make something. My friend leaves around 9 and I am so hungry, but I’m also extremely sleepy. So I opt to sleep instead of eat at some time after 9pm. I wake up at again at 1:40 am. My hunger kicks back in full gear. I am so nauseous at this point that I have to just eat something super quick and drink a lot of water to get my strength back. I ate a turkey roll up, which is some turkey breast with a bit of mustard rolled into a little wrap. I tried to make an egg white omlette and a few bits of steak bites, but it turned out awful so I barely ate 1 bite of it. Finally I thaw out some salmon to saute in a pan. I eat essentially my first true meal of the day, the salmon at 3 am.
1 pickled egg
1 piece of salmon with adobo, mrs. dash & garlic powder
I had to offer the above explanation for my lack of food so that you won’t think I am intentionally starving myself. That is a horrendous way to try and lose weight that I will never advocate. Not eating sends your body into starvation mode and you lose a lot more than a few pounds. I want to lose weight desperately, but not at the expense of my health. It’s the healthy way or no way at all for me. All of that aside, I did get my walk in today, which I’m happy about. I may try to do a little resistance band action, (it’s now 4:40 am) eat an oat bran pancake with cfream cheese and go back to sleep! IDK.
Also, although I counted Tuesday April 10, 2012 as my Day 1, I hadn’t found the oat bran yet so technically Day 10 is tomorrow. However I am not going to be that much of a stickler. I ate Dukan approved foods starting on April 10th so It was my first as far as I’m concerned. I just missed the oat bran that day. And honestly during this entire journey thus far I haven’t allowed myself to be overly concerned with following the “rules”perfectly. I do my bes everyday and I’m satisfied with that. So tomorrow,(today) Friday April 20 I will begin day 1 of the cruise phase. I’ going to do 2 protein+veggie days in a row then 2 pure protein days in a row. After those 4 days though, I will be alternating PV & PP days back and forth. So 1 PV day then 1 PP day and so on. The reason I’m doing it this way is because I ate PP on Thursday so I will start the cruise phase with a PV day. But Saturday I am going to a special even out of town and it will just b much easier to make it a PV day versus a PP day. I plan to make lettuce wraps, so stay tuned!
I was such a bum today. I didn’t walk or anything. I just wasn’t up to it. We all have our off days right? So anyway I found this website with tons of fabulous recipes for the Dukan Diet. I decided to try Dukan “Fried” Shrimp. They were pretty good too. I wouldn’t say they could replace traditional fried shrimp, but they held their own. I love shrimp no matter what you do it to be honest. I’m starting to have trouble remembering what I’ve eaten if I don’t jot it down immediately so bare with me. I’m also eating sporadically and missing breakfast a lot. I’m such a mess, but I’m working on it.
Dukan fried shrimp
3 sugar free jellos
That’s all I can remember =[ Even sadder, that may be all I actually ate.
Check out the site I found the shrimp recipe on HERE The site isn’t there anymore. I am so upset. There were so many recipes I was going to try. I just visited the site the other day and signed up for the forum and everythng. Wow. Sorry guys, what a bummer.
Edit: Turns out the site may just be down. If it goes back up I’ll update this post. ^.^ In the meantime you can find the site’s facebook page HERE
So I went back to Walmart today to get a couple of things. I realize that dieting is very difficult when you have very little money. I intended to buy some boneless skinless chicken breasts, but I had a budget of $8 and they were over $5. That wouldn’t have left much room for anything else. What I ended up buying was two of the things I’ve run out of, sugar free jello and fat free cream cheese. These two items have helped me a tremendous amount so far and they are with more to me than chicken breasts. It’s kind of depressing that I even have to make decisions like this, but it is my reality. My Walmart walk is the only walking I did today. Last night/early this morning I finally did my resistance band workout. I think I broke my abs. :(
My abdomen is pretty sore, unusually sore even and it kind of alarmed me at first. But I do think it’s just the muscles underneath my fat expressing their disdain for making them work harder than what they’re used to. I will not be doing abs tonight, but I may do butt, thighs, arms and legs. I will do abs again on wednesday. I have to get rid of this belly fat! It’s disgusting. I’ve heard that strengthening the muscles in my core can help burn more fat, so that’s what I’m aiming for. I also have a weighted jump rope that is never used. I have to use it outside and I feel kind of stupid jumping rope in front of my apartment, or just alone in front of people period. Gosh I wish I had a weightloss buddy right now.
Chicken wings minus the skin
2 Sugar free jello
1 garlic oat bran pancake
I got a new dress today! I think it’s really important to still dress up and make an attempt to look nice during your journey. Just because you feel like a big pile of eww on the inside doesn’t mean you have to look like it on the outside. I’ve found that sometimes even when I feel yucky, If I try to make myself look a little cute it helps me feel somewhat better. Fat & frumpy don’t have to go hand-in-hand. In fact there are some great Tumblrers that showcase this. One of my favorites is Girl With Curves ! Her style is impeccable and she is not a tiny girl. I love her shape too. Look for fashion you can be inspired by even now, before you reach your goal weight. I wouldn’t buy too many things because you don’t plan to stay your current size, but a few chic pieces won’t hurt. Plus some things can be taken in to match your new slimmer physique :)
Stay stylish & be inspired lovies!
Not too much to report for this day. I enjoyed my walk as usual, but in my haste to get out of the door I ate what I said I wouldn’t until Saturday. :O I still haven’t gotten my sleeping schedule together yet so my meals are not very structured, nevertheless here’s what I ate & drank:
1 pickled egg <—— :[
6 salmon cakes
I think that’s it. I didn’t them all at once, I spread my munching out. I found that making the salmon into balls instead of flat patties made them hold together better, but cook less evenly. I was afraid the balls weren’t “done” in the middle so I put them in the oven to be sure. I don’t particularly feel safe consuming raw eggs. I can’t wait until I can have tolerated foods to add a little cornflour to the mix. I’m sure my cakes will hold up a lot better that way.
See ya lovies